Saturday, January 14, 2006

Let's talk about....

Everyone is talking about sex. Sex seems to be the popular topic of choice.

I was beside myself when my 16 year old sister told me she was interested in sleeping with her boyfriend. I know that she's in almost all advance placement classes, president of her class for three years, in orchestra and holding down a part time job but I still couldn't imagine my baby...my little Shirlgirl being intimate with her barely 17 year old boyfriend or anyone. period. But I knew that she told me because I'm the oldest and she respects my feelings. So I told her not to make any decisions until we could talk face to face. The next weekend my second oldest sister came up from Durham,NC and Shirlgirl traveled from New York so that we could meet up in Boston and have a uncensored sister's heart to heart. I wanted to tell her things that she couldn't learn in health class or read in the pages of Cosmopolitan. We talked about it again during Christmas break. And though I didn't "forbid" her, I let her know that it never hurts to wait. I'm thankful that her boyfriend is the sweetest 16 year old I've ever met and agrees that waiting is a good idea. So for now the two horny teenagers are going to hold it down and keep it in their pants. I don't know how long this waiting will last but I hope that regardless what she decides Shirlgirl will always feel that I'll be there for her.

Once again lets talk about sex........

New Year's day I went along with one my girls to our friend's house who disappeared on us on new year's eve. So I went to her apartment hoping to find out what she could of possibly gotten into to have her gone that night. Our girl told us how she met up with a guy she met a few months ago. On paper this brother sounds marvelous: he's employed (forgot where but it I remember the name sounding real important), he's owns a business and models on the side, has a car and is in the process of buying a condo. My girl was pysched to get up with him because they ran into each other again a few weeks ago and the chemistry was intesnse.

Long story very short they ended up back at his place on new year's eve and it was a disappointment. He was an inconsiderate lover and basically came up short. My girl tried to make the best of a bad situation but it just wasn't happening. She wouldn't have cared so much if he apologized or acknowledged his shortcomings but this guy basically saw himself as a well endowed Don Juan who laid it down right. As she told us the story I truly felt for her. I knew how badly she wanted to hook up with someone since she was leaving the country to teach abroad for several months.

I let her know that there were pretty clear signs that he probably wouldn't be a good lover:

  • He continuously talked about himself. He never was curious about her. This basically shows that as lover he'd be inconsiderate, only concerned with is needs and lacks communication which is extremely important in a satisfying sexual experience.
  • It's cool to have self esteem but this guy was gassed. Several times he referred to his material assets and how much women sweat him. I'm sticking to my theory that humble men make some of the best lovers. A man who's confidant but still feels that he can improve in certain areas usually is attentive and eager to please.

Sitting there I realized that if you're having sex how important satisfying sex really is. Great sex can put a little pep in your step and have you floating around on cloud 9. Bad sex on the other hand can cause you to become moody and dead a relationship before it even has a chance to start.

Speaking of sex, senior year is when you learn about who's been creeping with who, the girlfriend/boyfriend who had no idea they've been cheated on and the hearts that have been broken in the process. Perhaps I spend too much time in my own world or just don't care too much for other people's business but I had no idea how crazy things are here. But I guess when you live and work somewhere that eventually some playing goes down.

The connections on campus are so ridiculous that it's almost incestuous.I am SO thankful that out of the 5 years I've been here that I've never dated and/or been intimate with anyone at this school except for Mr. Man (who I'm starting to feel bad that I call him tha since our relationship is getting serious). If a new STD is discovered on this campus at least I won't be on line at the University's clinic waiting for a vaccine.

I have no problems with sexual freedom and I respect men and women who are honest about what they want. But all this sexing without protection makes no sense to me. While in college I've heard far too many stories of unexpected aborted pregnancies and the passing of STDs. I know the saying "we're just young, dumb and full of cum". okay. And "sometimes you get caught up in the moment". fine. But there should be a point when taking avoidable risks with your body is no longer acceptable. And hopefully that point doesn't come in the waiting room while you're praying that you aren't and hoping that you don't.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I recently went to the doctor's to start the year off right and make sure everything is in tip top shape. Taking care of yourself is a great feeling. I figure if I make it a habit now to stay on top of all dental, eye, and physical exams that it will possibly spare me a lot of complicatons as I age.

I was a little uncomfortable during my physical because my usual doctor no longer works there so now I have to get used to a completely new one. I liked Dr. Arnold a lot because no matter how backed up with appointments she was you could never tell. She was always sweet and seemed sincerely concerned with everything, not just my health but also my school work and personal life. While she would check my blood pressure and heart rate we'd discuss the books we were reading and current events. We'd even continue chatting like two long time girlfriends while she checked my southern region. This new doctor is aight . There's just something awkard about her. Since she just started I'll chalk up her jitters to being new.

At the end of my appointment I had some blood work done and started chit chatting with the nurse in the lab. She was a middle aged black woman who seemed to be feeling the weight of her long day. I noticed that as when she stuck my arm with the needle that her touch was that gentle. Sitting there my mind began to wonder how she probably was when she first started. Most likely she started out wanting to be a nurse due to the genuine desire to help others and she probably handled her first patient with great care as if they were fragile. I guess after a long day and years of performing the same ol' job that everyone's arm looks the same. After awhile it's all a mindless routine done to pays the bills. Though my arm was sore I felt a little sad for her. Call me a dreamer, optimisitic, or just blame young and dumb but I want the career I end up with to fufill me. I want my work to be satisfying and to be secure enough that if I tire of one job that other options are still available.