My Enemies: Procastination and Verizon

I love the rush I feel when writing on deadline. For some reason the words seem to sing more when I'm racing against the clock. I love the feeling of how my muscles slowly begin to ease as I proofread the last word and ceremoniously press send with a bit of bravado because I know that the work I just sent was certified gold......

Basically--I'm the Queen Bee Procastinator. Last minute is my middle name. Though what I said above is all true, I usually get the bulk of my work done with only a few crucial seconds to spare. Sometimes postponing projects/papers/articles works out. I sit infront of the computer focused and words effortlessly fly from my fingers, coming out perfect the first time. But sometimes .... A LOT OF TIMES..... I spend hours infront of a blank screen wondering how I hustled my way into school. A LOT OF TIMES I'll also get distracted and start browsing the internet for killer sales, checking my email,browsing thefacebook, and reading who said what on which blog.

However, today, I did none of that and s**t still was crazy! Tell me why.... I had a few more expert interviews to do for my Journalism 2's final 8 paged article when Verizon up and disconnected my phone! See ol' Verizon and I have a love hate relationship-- I love conducting lengthy interviews so that I get all the necessary information for my articles and Verizon hates it when my broke ass can't pay the bill. What gets me upset is: if you're going to shut me down than shut me down completely. But noooooooooo, Verizon does this half ass s**t where you still recieve calls but you can't call anyone except for 911 or Verizon to pay your bill.

***fading to a few months ago***

I remember calling Verizon one night and speaking to a service rep. [Sidenote: doesn't it seem that anytime you call to speak with a customer service representative they're always located in the south or bumblef**k middle America? And I swear that they lie about their names. I think I spoke to a Jose Conseco and Bob Villa once. No lie.] Anyway I tried to sweet talk the rep into turning my service back on and he let me know in a I-ain't-having-it dry ass voice that back when Verizon and I were friends they used to turn my service on in good faith that the bill would be paid. And that I should be happy that Verizon is doing me the favor of not turning my cell off completely. Though I was pissed about not being able to sway him, I decided to let it go and ask him "how many people can I put on my restricted call list?". I figured that if I could at least call my mom, my siblings, my friends, my boyfriend at the time, and a few other acquaintances than having restricted service wouldn't be that bad. There was a moment of silence, a deep frustrated sigh, and than he let said, "Ma'am there isn't a restricted call list. You will temporarily be able to receive calls but you can not call anyone except for Verizon and 911". I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I forgot about being all sweet and resorted to getting straight up indignant. "What...what do you mean only Verizon and 911?! Are you serious?! I'm sorry but Verizon and 911 aren't exactly on my speed dial!!". [Sidenote: I actually do have 911 on speed dial. It ain't safe out there for a cutie like myself. ......Actually I have Verizon on there too......but the customer service rep didn't need to know that] Okay I understand I was a little late with paying the bill but the least they could do is let me call my IN friends. I mean damn those phone calls are free! Needless to say we shared a few more words and my service was still cut off.

***back to earlier today***

I only had 3 hours to spare and I had to figure out how to contact these experts for my final. That's when it happened. Right there in the middle of the library I had a panic attack. I've had them before. I'm used to getting worked up and having to take a a few minutes to catch my breath and compose myself. But today's anxiety attack was something else. It felt as if for a moment my lungs and heart stopped and then suddenly started up again attempting to catch up with lost time. My chest began to jerk with each breath because my insides were off beat. Each time I exhaled was painful and caused me to wheeze. So there I was a wheezing- cell phone service restricted- late paying wireless customer experiencing a panic attack. And do you know that some of the people at the computers next to me rolled their eyes as if I was disturbing them from studying? The nerve!

In the end thanks to two quarters, a pay phone [Sidenote: have you ever noticed that having a cell phone makes you now blind to payphones?], and a friend who has 3 way calling I was able to get my piece done! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!

I will admit that procrastinating does suck and that I'm a true antisocial heffa when I'm working on crunch time. Forget about what Deborah and RL said about us not being friends if we can't be lovers. Bump that garbage--we can't be friends if I'm on deadline!

To all my homie lover friends who were hurt today by my curt responses and dismissive email auto reply: I'm sorry. Don't worry all my hard work will pay off and in my autobiography I'll put you all down as the people I loved and cared about ...when I didn't know better. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Kidding. You know I love you.

Straight Up Gully & Just Dumb

Okay...ummmmerah... Jennifer Hyatte will go down in history as the epitome of a ride or die b@%*$h! What on God's green earth was she thinking?

At first I wanted to think that perhaps she is simply crazy in love but now I realize that heffa is just straight up crazy!

The two love birds met while Jennifer was working as a nurse at the prison where George was serving time for robbery. Apparently George is a locked up casanova that swept her off her feet. What.Ever. The heffas own mother even said she's gullible!

George was already serving 35 years for aggravated battery and assault,when his down for whatever boo decided to open fire on 3 guards who were escorting him through the parking lot of the Roane County Courthouse. Needless to say Bonnie and Clyde were caught a day and a half after their great escape.

Here is what makes me upset with this foolishness:

• Since her well thought out plan surpisingly backfired Jennifer will now have to spend time in jail probably never able to see her man again.
• By going along with his wife's efforts to free him, George will most definiately get a few more years added on to his already lengthy sentence.

What infuriates me the most is that their downright stupidity ended a life. Guard Wayne Morgan was hit by 3 out of the 6 shots fired by Jennifer. He died 70 minutes later. Also Jennifer has 3 young children, 9,11 and12, who will growup without her in a town that will probably alwars remember what their mother did.

I know many women who have fallen head over heels for sweet talking criminal record having Don Juans. I,myself, have also had 1 thuggish ruggish experience. Some of us have a weakness for men who are slightly rough around the edges. Understood. But when that weakness causes you to do ridiculous things that negatively impacts not only you and your incarcerated Romeo but also innocent bystanders, that's when s@%ts gone too far!

They both need to be put under the jail!

reassembling the pieces and making a more complete me

precious Lord take my hand
lead me on
let me stand.....

Last Wednesday I broke.

Every piece of me crumbled due to the impact of it all. A few days can change so much! I was left so dizzy from being overwhelmed that it felt as if my foundation sank from beneath my feet and shattered. Though it was the middle of the afternoon and my plate was overflowing with deadlines, I used every last bit of energy I could muster to curl up on my couch and cry.

And not just any type of cry. It was the disabling sort of crying that contorted my face and caused bitter dispirting tears to build in my soul and flow from my eyes.

Don't get my wrong, I have cried countless times before. But I've always done that brief resilient silent crying as I stubbornly trudged ahead attempting to immediately solve all my problems. I've learned a long time ago how not to feel too much so that no matter how bad the situation I would never feel defenseless. But this time, I, the Queen of Keep it Moving was crippled from the weight of life's downfalls and I simply didn't have it in to me to bounce back.

i am tired
i am weak
i am worn.....

I understand and have to come to appreciate the fact that sad and bad times come with living a life, and trust me I have experienced more than my fair share, but last week was too much for me to endure. I have never felt so helpless....... so exposed.

I realized that the pressure of all that is going on in my life was able to knock me down because for a long time now I haven't been centered. I've lost the spiritual part of me.

I'm not big on religion but I do believe in a higher power. And me and my higher power have lost contact. I needed a spiritual revitalizer so that I could get myself back. On Sunday I headed up to Cambridge for church and it was definitely the pick me up my spirit needed.

Not all churches sit well with me and I've been known to quietly walk out on sermons that didn't fit my beliefs but Union Baptist holds a special place in my heart. I found it 4 years ago when I came to Boston for school and was searching for something that would keep me balanced. I loved Union the moment I walked through its doors. It was the first place of worship where I felt that people were truly accepted for all of who they are and comforted by learning that it's okay. Though I hadn't come in almost 2 years it was as if I was being welcomed back home.

The part of church that I love the most is the singing. Gospel music has that divine power of seeping into you and causing your soul to resonate. Lucky for me EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON at Union Baptist can saaaaaaaaang--not sing--saaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! The church choir had my feet tapping and hands clapping as the soloist laid it all out in a flawless alto. When the choir was finished the minister of music kept the music going. It was obvious that the spirit had commenced to stir within us. Feeling moved the Pastor stood up and delivered a heart felt rendition of "Precious Lord", a familiar song I've always hummed whenever life had gotten the best of me. As his glorious tenor filled the room heads began to sway and tears flowed freely. With each compelling note I felt my despair begin to melt and hope reentering my heart.

through the storm
through the night
lead me on to the light....

I'm not back to 100% yet but I'm on my way.

take my hand
precious Lord
lead me home.

In Due Time

I have a job!

And an exterminator is coming tomorrow!

Mice and no funds be gone!