"To love oneself is the beginnig of a life long romance" ~ Oscar Wilde
Recently I recieved an email from a dear missed friend and it was exactly what I needed. She reminded me of how much we're growing and coming into our own. My missed friend also made me see how much of me is still the same and probably will never change.
Nowadays I feel as though I'm truly seeing me for the first time ,which may sound silly because I look at myself everyday. But I guess I mean that now I'm seeing all of me and I'm in awe.
I'm becoming fond of the soft shape of my eyes and how they close up when I smile due to the chubbiness of my cheeks. I'm captivated by my rich honey coated chocolate complexion and the silkiness of my skin. I admire the strength of my thighs and my back.......
It has always been difficult for me to gracefully recieve compliments. When it comes to my work or writing, a few good words here and there are okay. But anything said about my phyiscal has always made me uncomfortable.
When I was younger my mother's female friends would fuss over my thick raven colored hair and jokingly ask me to fetch a pair of scissors so that they could have some. I would immediately attempt to satisfy their request because I wanted them to like me. My father's friends and male cousins would affectionately tell me that I would have every man proposing when I got older. To make things worse in 3rd grade my body started to develop faster than my friends. I wore baggy clothes in an attempt to hide my premature curves. The last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself because I experienced early how cruel females can be if they feel that you're getting more attention from the opposite sex than they are.
I think that part of my difficulty with accepting compliments comes from me not believing in them. It's not that I suffer from an extreme case of low self esteem, I simply never looked at myself that hard. I also never wanted to stick out. I learned early that sticking out brings unsolicited attention and hateration. But now I'm slowly beginning to say thank you to kind words and see myself the way others do.
For the first time I've fallen in love with every bit of me and it feels incredible.
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3 comments:
low self-esteem is no allowed. glad you finally paid attention to the woman in the mirror. keep her happy.
It's not low self-esteem persay...I just never paid too much attention to myself. I don't go around saying ,'damn I'm fiiiiiine'. Now I'm definitely taking time to see myself and I'm loving what's in front of me.
good. and it's ok to be ego-centric every now and then. you've got to balance the humility with some assholeness every now and then.
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