naturally ever after is hard to come by

In my ears [ I sat in front of the computer for a few hours doing other work while I wrote this blog entry. So the song list is a bit lengthy] : Can You Stand the Rain, New Edition-- Speechless, Beyonce -- Shake it Off, Mariah Carey -- Free Yourself, Fantasia -- Wishing On A Star, Rose Royce -- Number One, John Legend -- Piece of My Love, Guy -- Cross My Mind, Jill Scott -- Meeting in My Bedroom, Silk -- Superwoman, Karyn White -- Love Will Be Waiting At Home, For Real -- I Can't Stop Loving You, Kem -- I Like, Kut Klose -- All I Do Is Think You, Troop -- Always And Forever, Heatwave -- She's All I Got, Jimmy Cozier [what happened to him by the way?] -- Kissin' You, Total [ what happened to them too ? ] -- Blackberry Molasses, Mista -- Love Me In A Special Way, El DeBarge -- In The Rain, The Dramatics -- Stay For Awhile, Angie Stone -- Spoiled, Joss Stone

This past week I almost broke down. I was oh so close to succumbing to the pressure and admitting defeat. I felt as if I was at the end of my rope and simply couldn't take it anymore. But, with one foot already over the edge and the rest of me about to follow, I made a few last minute phone calls in hopes of reaching someone --anyone--who could talk me out of it. Most of my attempts went unanswered and I left messages that went a little something like this: " Girl [deep sigh] pleeeeeeease call me back as sooooon as you hear this. I can't take it anymore! I think I'm just going to do it. I know I'm going to hate myself when it's all said and done .....but this is really just too much to handle right now.....Call me back."

Ladies and gentlemen I...... almost.........got.... a..... PERM! [GASP]

To a lot of you this may not be a big deal but to me it sure as hell is!

Let me start from the beginning: this past December I made the decision to quit perming my hair and go the natural route. I do not look down upon those who do perm their hair; I have just reached a point where relaxing isn't for me. I am currently going through what natural heads call the 'transition period'. For many women caring for two different textures of hair during the transition period can be frustrating, so they opt for "the big chop" and cut/shave their hair down to what is known in the natural world as the TWA-- a teeny weeny afro. When I made the decision to go natural I knew that the TWA was definitely not an option. I just couldn't see myself going mid-back length straight hair to an itsy bitsy 'fro. I mean come on! How can I ever live with myself after chopping my locks down to a hairdo whose acronym sounds like a private part of a female's body? Stop. Think about it. Don't get me wrong, on some folks a teeny weeny 'fro is very becoming but on me -- it just ain't happening. So I decided to embrace both textures of hair until my new growth reached a length that I am comfortable with and can be done in adorable two strand twists.

During the winter transitioning from chemically processed hair to natural tresses wasn't so bad. Every other week I continued going to my favorite Dominican hair spot to get my curly new growth blown out so that it could blend in with the relaxed parts of my hair. I figured I could keep that up through the spring and summer. Simple right? WRONG!

First of all: the blow-dryer that they use at these hair salons are so strong that they require a license [so I've heard] and unfortunately the longer you new growth is, the closer they have to bring the industrial strength hairdryer to your scalp in order to ensure that they get every last kinky curl. It basically feels as if the sun came down and decided to rest right on top of your head.

Second of all: I realized that the good ol' Dominican blowout couldn't withstand the summer -- well my type of summer anyway. Unlike many women of the African Diaspora I LOVE water, especially in the summertime. I don't mean drinking it or sitting along the shore looking cute while watching it flow on by. I love swimming, running in sprinklers, having water fights-- basically feeling every inch of my body get soaked by some ice cold H2O. I know..I know: water is supposed to be the black woman's kryptonite but this black woman loooooooves it. And I realized that having a blowout meant that no amount of water should ever come in contact with my head unless I was washing it or planned on trooping to the hair salon right after. Also, though I'm not a sweaty person, I do sweat a lot during the summer from my head. It was a hell hot day in early June and I had just gotten my hair done the day before. In an attempt to preserve my do and keep my head cool, I tried my best to escape the heat. But it was so excruciatingly hot that day that even thinking and breathing caused small beads of perspiration to trickle down the sides of my face. Needless to say by the afternoon the front of my hair looked like I was channeling Don King and the ends looked like Cher circa 1970s -- trust me not a good look.

Sooo I racked my brain to figure out a hairdo that would preserve my sexy [thanks Diddy] during my transition, regardless of the season, and didn't mean I had to surrender to the TWA.

Ladies and gentlemen I ....... got ........ a ...... WEAVE! [DOUBLE GASP]

Trust me I know. Up until now I was mostly against weaves. I didn't mind them on other people but I always viewed them as an alternative for females that had trouble growing their own. I guess weaves becoming all the craze now and my current hair issues, has helped me change my mind. So now I'm rocking a cute wet and weavy chin length do that requires little maintenance, keeps my new growth tamed, and allows me to have fun in the sun without worrying.

The weave has gotten many compliments. It's cute and looks like it could be mine. Usually upon seeing the new hair do folks admit they love it but ask me why I decided to cut my hair again [the first big cut deserves it own blog entry. It some come, trust]. Since I'm not ashamed of my newly acquired tresses, I've been sure to let all complimenters know that I haven't cut my hair and that it isn't mine. After hearing this news most people have immediately come closer to me, closer meaning practically standing on top of me, in order to get a better look. Once they've examined, examined meaning poking/and or tugging, it efficiently, they've been sure to ask me why would someone with such beautiful long hair put a weave on their head. I get into a looooooong explanation involving TWAs, water, summer, blow-dryers that can melt metal, and my decision to go natural. As soon as the word natural escaped my mouth folks have reacted as if I said I loved William Hung's album and that my kids can stay with Michael at Neverland Ranch any day. A lot of folks roll their eyes and groan that "now everyone is going natural!". ....... I wonder if back in the late 70s and early 80s someone stood around the black hair care aisle, waited until some woman picked up a box of Dark & Lovely Relaxer System or TCB's No Lye/No Mix Relaxer Kit, and said, "now everyone is getting a perm!" as they stomped off sucking their teeth and shaking their afros in disgust. Just wondering. So what if a lot of people are deciding to go natural? Going natural isn't like jumping on the bandwagon and buying a popular pair of sneakers. You can't accuse someone of "biting a style" because they've chosen to wear their hair how it grows out of their head. I was never aware of natural going out of style.

I've heard it all. People have incessantly tried to convince me that I shouldn't go natural by telling me ridiculous natural hair horror stories that they've heard from a friend's mother's aunt, who heard it from her pastor's dentist. You'd think I was a devil worshipping heathen in the midst of the Southern Baptist Convention; the way folks have been trying to get me to change my mind. One person let me know that the reason why so many passionately reject my choice to go natural is because it's not often " you see a dark skin woman with long straight hair that's all hers". [Imagine that after this was said there was deafening silence on my part] Soooooo basically since -- supposedly-- not many woman with darker complexions have long straight hair that grew from their heads I should continue perming? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggght.

Never ceases to amaze me how people can become so attached to something that doesn't belong to them. It's almost as if everyone is a stockholder in my hair, so they feel that they can rightfully tell me what I should/should not do with it.

Needless to say, the natural hair naysayers got into my mind last week and had me doubting my decision. I had a short lived breakdown and lapse of judgment. But I was eventually able to get back on track, thanks to good friends who know how badly I want this.

Sigh. I won't front. I too am victim to society's standards of beauty. Going natural is hard. It forces you to look at yourself with no enhancers and accept what you see. There will be days that I'll be tempted to run see Angela and ask her to slap some chemicals on my scalp. There will be even more days when I'll have to look in the mirror and truly love all of me. I'll get there though....one day and natural strand at a time.