reassembling the pieces and making a more complete me

precious Lord take my hand
lead me on
let me stand.....

Last Wednesday I broke.

Every piece of me crumbled due to the impact of it all. A few days can change so much! I was left so dizzy from being overwhelmed that it felt as if my foundation sank from beneath my feet and shattered. Though it was the middle of the afternoon and my plate was overflowing with deadlines, I used every last bit of energy I could muster to curl up on my couch and cry.

And not just any type of cry. It was the disabling sort of crying that contorted my face and caused bitter dispirting tears to build in my soul and flow from my eyes.

Don't get my wrong, I have cried countless times before. But I've always done that brief resilient silent crying as I stubbornly trudged ahead attempting to immediately solve all my problems. I've learned a long time ago how not to feel too much so that no matter how bad the situation I would never feel defenseless. But this time, I, the Queen of Keep it Moving was crippled from the weight of life's downfalls and I simply didn't have it in to me to bounce back.

i am tired
i am weak
i am worn.....

I understand and have to come to appreciate the fact that sad and bad times come with living a life, and trust me I have experienced more than my fair share, but last week was too much for me to endure. I have never felt so helpless....... so exposed.

I realized that the pressure of all that is going on in my life was able to knock me down because for a long time now I haven't been centered. I've lost the spiritual part of me.

I'm not big on religion but I do believe in a higher power. And me and my higher power have lost contact. I needed a spiritual revitalizer so that I could get myself back. On Sunday I headed up to Cambridge for church and it was definitely the pick me up my spirit needed.

Not all churches sit well with me and I've been known to quietly walk out on sermons that didn't fit my beliefs but Union Baptist holds a special place in my heart. I found it 4 years ago when I came to Boston for school and was searching for something that would keep me balanced. I loved Union the moment I walked through its doors. It was the first place of worship where I felt that people were truly accepted for all of who they are and comforted by learning that it's okay. Though I hadn't come in almost 2 years it was as if I was being welcomed back home.

The part of church that I love the most is the singing. Gospel music has that divine power of seeping into you and causing your soul to resonate. Lucky for me EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON at Union Baptist can saaaaaaaaang--not sing--saaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! The church choir had my feet tapping and hands clapping as the soloist laid it all out in a flawless alto. When the choir was finished the minister of music kept the music going. It was obvious that the spirit had commenced to stir within us. Feeling moved the Pastor stood up and delivered a heart felt rendition of "Precious Lord", a familiar song I've always hummed whenever life had gotten the best of me. As his glorious tenor filled the room heads began to sway and tears flowed freely. With each compelling note I felt my despair begin to melt and hope reentering my heart.

through the storm
through the night
lead me on to the light....

I'm not back to 100% yet but I'm on my way.

take my hand
precious Lord
lead me home.