first love, standing first in line

i went home this weekend and spent time with my boy b. i've known b since the 10th grade and it's been interesting watching my first love find his way towards becoming a man.

i would have never imagined being with him in high school but somehow it happened and it made sense. we fit. grown folks would often comment on how mature our love was and how happy we seemed. from administrators to teachers to students, everyone was interested in our relationship. to this day whenever i go home someone wants to know how b is doing and whether we're still together.

though our relationship was definitely mature in many aspects, we were still teenagers and we definitely had our dramas. we joke now that back then we were on some serious black dawson's creek sh*t. there were strong emotions, public displays of adolescent affection, out of control hormones and too many tearful hallway episodes to count.

there were good times and bad and i wouldn't go back to change a thing.

though our romantic feelings for one another have dissipated, our love has manifested itself into something comforting and genuine. i've been there for the females who came after me, giving some a thumbs down and rooting hard for others. i'm rooting for the woman he's with now and i pray for his overall happiness.

b and i have gone from teenage lovers to semi-adult friends attempting to find our niche in life.

in the may issue of essence there's an article about a woman who was invited to her ex's wedding. though she was unsure of attending she finally does and is happy with her decision. she finds closure in witnessing her old lover exchange vows with another woman and in the end understands why he wanted her there and why she went-- "because there is comfort in having people around who knew and loved you back then, and who can find a way to accept and celebrate the person you are becoming right now."

how true it is.